The trouble with IM...

I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like IM. It's been my main mode of keeping in touch with people since I left school, but honestly I've really just had enough. I feel dehumanized when I'm on it. I feel like I've become at best a disembodied voice that pops every now and then, and annoyingly asks what you're up too. "Talking" over IM just takes so much out of a conversation. You miss the inflection of the voice that makes somthing a joke instead of a serious comment, or in my case the biting edge the lets you know I'm just being sarcastic, (I dare you to guess which is more important to me). It's just that I love conversations, and while IM is acceptable, and for all intesive purposes necessary, it just doesn't match up to the human interaction that you get through a good conversation. Moreover, there are just certain things that I want to say, but don't feel right saying them online, over IM. The same thing applies here, because you can't see the other persons reaction, can't hear the inflection in their voice, and because the can't perceive the way in which you say somthing it just won't sound the same to them as you may have intended it.

There are just certain things that you want to hear instead of read, not because of the words, but because of the way they are said. If you were to tell someone that you love them or even just like them, and actually let them hear the words, they would understand the truth behind them, or the lie if your being false. But simply to type out the words, I love you. The response changes, or you don't know how to respond, for that matter, why should you respond. You can just get up and walk away, close the window, say you had computer problems. It's easy to ignore a conversation online, you don't have to commite yourself to it. You can get up and walk around, go find a cup of coffee, get somthing to eat, or continue watching whatever you were watching on t.v. Maybe you're different, but I never feel the compuction to fully engage in a conversation online that I would feel when I'm looking directly into the face of the person talking. Honestly the disconnect that I do feel is rather disturbing.

The content of the conversations seem different as well, possibly because if neither participant is obliged to engage in the conversation, there's no need to talk about anything above the trivial. Opening questions of how a day has gone cease to be openings and instead become the conversation. There's no awkward silence to fill, because there is no awkward silence. You just move on to the next conversation, or switch back to watching t.v., or playing your game, or what ever else you were doing before you just happened to start a conversation with someone else.

I just feel at a loss with it it all. People I want to get to know better, I can't becuase I'm stuck with small talk conversations that even I can't force myself out of. I want to know more about the people I talk to, but find myself stalled by a lack of questions, and a perseived lack of interest on the otherside. I'm not being accusatory here, I know that almost all of this in on me. My mind runs wild like it always does, and I begin to believe things that I only percieve to be true whether they are or not. It's the eccentric musician in me I guess, we can't all me normal now can we. In all honesty I'm stuck. As much as I dislike it, I won't stop using IM. I don't really have a choice. I'm just tired of it. I'm tired to conversations that don't lead to much of anything but disapointment. I'm tired of asking all of the questions. I'm tired of starting the majority of the conversations. Maybe I've gone too far with that last statement, but it does feel like it.

When you've think, like I do, that you'll spend much of your life on the road, moving from place to place, country to country, never really having a home you tend to feel that at the very least that you should hold on to the friendships that I have, to strengthen them, pursue them. Relationship do one of two things, they grow or they die. It's a harsh reality and you may not agree with me right now, but I've not come by this conclusion lightly. It's been a hard lesson that I've hated to learn, and it is the driving reason behind my seriousness now. I don't like that my friends are spread across the country and the world, I don't like that the person I have an interest in lives in another country, but I live, work, worship, and strive through things that I don't like. When you tell yourself somthing enough times, eventually you believe it no matter what it is. It's a simple equation of mind over matter, but even with that I've never convinced myself that I can go it alone. I don't want too. In fact I never want to believe that I can go it alone, and so I hang on desperatly to the what I have.

I want to leave on a happy note. This whole thing has been rather melancholic. Things are well for the most part. I'm busy, work most days, and practices most nights. It's a good life. It's my life, and while I'm always trying to find ways to better it, I really wouldn't trade it for anything.
A.T.H.

In to the woods...

Every time I step into the trees my life changes. I breath differently, I see differently, I move differently. There are no leaves on the trees any more. There are no forged trails where I'm going. It's more than the trees. It's the more than the animals. When you enter somthing a empty as the wilderness, it will do two things to you. It will empty you of everything you ever thought was true, and then if you let it it will fill you with a truth you never thought existed. It's one of my favorite musicals. It's were I go to think. It's were I go to be alone. Tomorrow...it's where I go to live.

A.T.H.

this is how I feel...

I always run the risk of saying something I shouldn't when I open my mouth. The risk is double here, because I'm not always sure who reads this. There are two things about jumping off a cliff, you don't always know if you'll make it to the other side, and you're never certain you can fly untill you jump. And right now...this is how I feel:

I've always said this...

Apparently there's a worry out their that the coming generation of children will grow up to be a bunch of pansies. I've know this all along. I'm just wonder why it took everyone else so long to figured it out. The mountain man has spoken.
A.T.H.

what it takes...

It's interesting how little it takes.
All day things are fine.
Then you blink.
And your world
falls apart.

The past eleven days...

One week ago I was recovering from a weekend with the youth group. We had gone to Assateague Island for the weekend to camp on the beach. It was great except for two very unescapeable facts. I was driving the "girls" van, and the wind was blowing so hard that we couldn't even set up the tents. Other than that it was a great weekend. I love the ocean, the endless motion of the waves, the smell of the salt. Just to sit and take it all in is so relaxing. It's almost worth enduring 10 total hours in a van full of over talkitive 15 and 16 year old girls whose taste of music is confined to rap and country. It's a miracle that no one died.

The ensuing week has been varitable roller coaster. I've spent a lot of time wondering about my relationship, and all of the joy that comes from that. I talked about them or rather my lack there of, with several people. John-philipe of course wanted to know if after no hearing from me for years, which I completly understand. It's the people that talk to me on a daily basis, that I don't get. No nothing has changed since yesterday, and you probably wouldn't be the first one I'd talk to about it anyway. I know people as because they care, at least that's what I'm choosing to believe, but sometimes enough is enough. Just in case there are people who were contimplating asking me about it...Yes there are people I like, No I've not really talked to them about it, Yes I do want to be in a relationship, and No I won't tell you anymore. Honestly the whole thing is rather depressing.

On Wednesday I was asked to help deliver a clavinova. Not a problem...but it was. Only two of us went, problem one. What we were told we were picking up was not what it actually was, problem two. Instead of a regular rectangular clav we found that the order was actually for a digital grand piano. It's a clav, but more in the shape of a miniture baby grand piano and weighing about 300 pounds on the light side. Luckily we had a piano dolly...right. Needless to say, things did not end well. We ended up droping it on the way out of the door. We cracked the polished ebony finish on it, it wasn't bad but it wasn't deliverably at that point. I forgot to mention that we had to drive to one of our other stores an hour away to pick it up. The day was not going well, but then we started to drive back. On the way back, I got probably the best complement that I could ever receive. Ian for some reason, started talking to me about...well me. I wasn't sure were he was going with this until he meantioned a conversation we had the week before. Afterwards he talked to Bill, the warehouse manager, and asked him if I was a christian, to which Bill replied that yes I was. I take this as a great complement, because I've never said that I am a Christian. I'm not quiet about my faith, but those exact words have never left my mouth. I personally believe that I should never have to tell anyone that I'm a Christian. If they can't see who I'm associated with through the way I act, then I'm not doing my job right. The rest of the van ride was theological discussion, I was able to present my faith and answer a lot of questions. I also got a glimps into what druidism is, which was fasinating to me since I have a great concection to all things celtic. I can understand why early Christian missionaries chose to cross the druidic religion with the Catholism. There are many places where Christianity simply takes one more step than the druid beliefs. The rest of the day was a lot better after that conversation. Ian quit two days later. I don't know if I'll see him again, but somthing tells me I won't.

I've been sick for the past four days. Not laid out, but not feeling well. To be honest, I've not felt well for one reason or another since the sunday back from the beach, mentaly, phisically, or emotionally. The concert I went to on Sunday didn't help. My brother is a great musician and plays in several ensambles, and for the most part things were ok. They were amature groups so I wasn't expecting much, but even my good graces have limits. The ladies choir left everything to be desired. I wept for my art. The instrumental ensambles did well, until the very end when a would be arranger/composer destroyed my favorite Beethoven piano sonata. It is just not meant to be arranged for brass. But so ended my weekend, and began a new week.

My week. I don't know what to think about it. So I present the evidence to you. God has been good, present in trouble. Questions without answers. I feel like I'm standing of the razors edge and I don't know what to say, or even if I should say anything at all. I think for now, the questions are best left unasked.

A.T.H.

PS. These are my horses on the beach

Not much of anthing...

It's very interesting that I could feel disapointment over not getting somthing, even after I purposefully talked myself out of it. It's just so strange. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I talked myself out of it. It doesn't even matter that I talked myself out of it. I'm free, which is what I wanted...and that disapoints me. It really makes me want to hit somthing. It's just frustraiting. Am I that far gone? Please tell me this is normal.

The hardest thing I have to do in my life is talk to my friends about their relationships, especially when they're not going so well. I want to reach out, to hold them. It kills me on the inside. It's not becuase I'm not in a relationship, that's not the point. I don't like the fact that I don't have anyone in my life like that, but it doesn't bother me that much. I just feel for my friends, I want to do everything that I can for them, and it very feel like I've done enough. There's always somthing more that I could do, somthing else that I could say. It's just that tend to be active, I'm never satified with words. It's part of the reason I want to go into the missionfield. I can't just take a passive approch, I need to go.

I go to talk to Pam today. First time I think since Amy's wedding. It was great to talk to her, just to find out what she's up to and how she's doing. We talked about grad school, and what I should expect. We might meet up in NYC in December, catch the Opera, just have some fun. Actually this week has been a catch up we for me. Yesterday I had an hour long conversation with probably my best friend from High School. I've not talk to him in 6 years or more and then just out of the blue he calls. It was great to just catch up and hear what he's been doing since college. John-Phillipe is a great guy and I always hated that I lost track with him.

this post has been about a lot and really nothing at all. I've got a good story from the weekend, but right now this is what's on my mind.
A.T.H.

a few thoughts...

There are things that I've never told anyone. I have my reasons for some of them, and for others...I just can't make the timing work.
I get jealous easily and it's somthing I hate about myself.
I never feel content with where I'm at or what I have, and I fear the times that I am content.
I rush to change, but what things to stay the same.
I have conversations with myself, and every once and a while I answer back.
I tell a good story, but even I don't believe them.
I'm full of advice but can't seem to follow any of it.
I've stopped making plans because they never work.
There are certain things in life that I want, but I don't know how to go about getting them.
I suck at conversations, I never know what to say.
I hate that the people I like live worlds away, and I never get to see them.
If I was a man, I'd tell you...
A.T.H.

25

I don't make a big deal out of it because...I just don't.
Right now I just want some sleep, but in the morning I'll go to work, then I'll have practices and then I'll probably sleep. It's not a big day, but it is one more year. One more year of experience. One more year of knowledge. On more year of things left undone. One more year of things never forgotten. One more year of travel. One more year of hope. One more year of seeing where God has placed me. One more year of moving forward. One more year alone. One more year full of friends new and old. One more year of encouragement. One more year. I'm not guaranteed another one, but if I had to leave I think I'd be content. But for now I'm not content, there is much to be done and I am looking forward to every new day. I tend not to celebrate the day becuase to me it's just like every other day, one more chance to get it right, and that is the best gift I could ask for. This is the end of year 25 and the begining of year 26...bring it on. I'm ready for you.

Happy freakin' birthday to me.

A.T.H.

If I told you I love you
would you believe me.
I've lied, I've cheated
and trust is a virtue
I seem not to posses.

Of all the things
I could promise
none seem to posses
the finite ability
of absolute truth.

If I showed you
the black of my heart
would you stand at my side
when the morning brings to life
the world I've tried to hide

If I told you I love you
would the world stop turning
would the sun shine brighter
would the stars seem closer
If I told you I love you...

I don't know how to say this. All I can do is ask for prayer. Not for myself, but for my family. I can't say much, but my cousin is in serious trouble. He and his family need serious prayer, so I appeal to you. Please, I beg you. Please pray.
A.T.H.

You win some, you lose some...

It's been awhile since I posted anything other than a short update...
It's not for lack of subjects to write about, but then again, in a way, it is.
Working my job I hear a lot of things that spark my interest. Things that when you first hear them they just jarr your sences, and even afterwards they stick with you untill you either get it out, or you hear something else just as jarring. I've got a list of things like that. Other than that there's a lot of day to day things, but I'm not exactly interested in sharing them on the net. I've just been very busy lately, working 40 hours a week, two practices a week, preparing songs for Sunday, playing, not including all of the middle of the week stuff that always happens. But a lot of that...I just don't want to tell you about. Trust me you'll thank me someday.

There has been somthing that's really sticking with me. When my cousin graduated from the tech program that he's been working through my mom came up with the great idea of giveing him a guided day trip to New York City. The guide of course was the only person she knew who was at the time living outside the City...me. I love the City, and am absolutely entralled at the idea...actually I'm happier about the fact that eventually I'm going back to the City, even if for the day. My cousin doesn't get out of the state much, doesn't travel at all. He hasn't seen much of the world and my mom has taken it upon herself to help out. Well, I've been helping the situation. I've bought him a travel book, circled the things that I think that he would enjoy, plus the average tourist things (the good ones) that everyone who goes to the City should check out. He's getting really excited about all this, which just makes me more excited. A couple of weeks ago Mom made a passing comment about me taking my other cousin up to the City. I had been home all of five minutes and not had the best of days, the only thought that popped into my mind was the money I'd have to shell out to do that. Bad I know, but like I said it wasn't a good day and I'd not quite been myself. I instead made mention that I thought the trip was supposed to be just Kyle (his younger brother) and myself, to which my mom responded that we could go up some other time. Again the money thing came up, and being who I am I opened my mouth. Mom ignored the comment, she's really good at that, and said that Shearod is a lonely young man and it would be nice to do this. Withou thinking (like all of my good comments) I blerted out that, "Mom, we're all lonely."

This weekend is going to be a little disapointing. One of my good friends, Liz is going to be coming through the area, but due to some extenuating circumstances I won't get to see her. Very disapointing. I've not seen her in probably four years if not longer. We talk a good bit online and I love that, but it's nice to actually see your friends from time to time. I miss her, and only talking online just isn't the same. I feel that way with all of my friends from school. Talking online is great and I love that I keep in touch with the people, but it's just not the same. It's not the same, and it never will be.

Mom didn't have much to say to my little statment. Honestly I wasn't sure that I'd even said anything. It's not that I don't want to help lonely people out, but there's only so much I can do. I think the thing that bothered my mom though was the fact that I said that we're all lonely. It's true, in one way or another we're all a little lonely. Unless we're married I guess, not that that is the answer to loneliness. But yeah, I'm a little lonely. I don't mind it. I've got a lot of things that keep me busy, contact with a lot of people that I know and like, and frankly when I'm done with my day I don't nessiarily want to hang out with people...but I do anyway. There are a lot of things here, lots of conclusions that I could draw from a small side comment that I made off the top of my head, but I choose not too. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to miss my friends. I do want to get married someday and have kids. Just not today. I can live with being a little lonely.
A.T.H.

Happiness in red....

It was a good weekend. Hershey Park with the family, we made mom ride the roller coasters. My Cousin and his girlfriend were baptised on Sunday, very amazing, awesome time for the family. I played again on Sunday morning, helped to lead worship, very good time. But Sunday afternoon...oh this fatefull sunday afternoon...I bought this



Happiness definatly came in red.
A.T.H.

I'd tell you, but...

There are certain things that you just can't write about on a blog. Things like talking bad about your friends...not that I have anything bad to say about you guys. I really don't, and you know that if I did...I'd just tell you.

Morty dropped by yesterday, which was really sweet. He meet my family, my grandfather...so now he understands. I love showing off my family, they're completly hillarious. Other than that everything is fairly normal. I work everyday, I water my bonzai, I read, hang out with people from church, plan worship services, the normal stuff. It's a little boring, but I can't complain. I'm going to be getting an electric guitar soon, I think. We'll see, I'm not sure yet.

So there's a little update for you all. Hope you enjoyed it.

A.T.H.

Where oh where have I been...

So...enough with the Russian. To answer your question, I've been on vacation. With creation canceled I went up to my church camp with the youth group and had a blast. I played councelor to the youngest group of guys that when a long, juinor highers mostly, and they were hillarious. I lead a group up to Flat Rock, which means nothing to anyone who might read this. It's the worst four mile round trip you'll ever take. Morty just to give you an idea, it took us just about two hours to hike up, and I made it back down in fourty five minutes. That was with the ten minute stop to play with the rattle snake. Sorry, no picture. You'll just have to take my word for it. We threw together this amazing race type of thing for the kids, and yeah...my guys won. Irlanders freakin' rule.
So then it was on to the beach. yes, North Carolina where all your dreams come true. Well...not really, but it was close. It was a good week all in all. We didn't have any waves all week, but that was ok too...not really. Talked to a pro bodyboarder about board selection, talked to the bonzai lady about the tree I bought. That's right, you should be jealous. Had some amazing sea food as usually. Convinsed my Aunt that when I said I was eating dolphin that I wasn't actually eating Flipper. It's a fish for crying out loud, a really good fish. Played some mini golf which was kind of boring to be honest. Saw the fireworks over the harbor at Manteo on Roanoke Island. It was over all a great week.
And now I'm back in Hanover...working...interestingly enough my Pastor drove his Harley in the the Church last Sunday. I thought it was great. He'll do anything for a sermon illistration. Well, almost anything.
A.T.H.

Предположение, что это говорит.

Я - небольшое правление прямо сейчас. Так, я думал, что я буду пробовать somthing забаву. Я действительно хочу изучить русский язык когда-нибудь, но пока я соглашусь на перевод этого в Интернете. Я тоскую без Вас парни. Я действительно желаю, чтобы Вы звонили бы, но тогда мне жаль, что я не имею шары, чтобы назвать несколько человек самостоятельно. Вещи подходят. Работа хороша. Я взволнован для создания. Даже более взволнованный для берега. Я хотел бы получить собаку. Я действительно хочу собаку, сибирский huskie. Хорошо, это было забавой. Я думаю, что это - время для кровати. Я должен встать и пойти, чтобы работать снова завтра. Проклятая ответственность. Я надеюсь, что каждый преуспевает.
A.T.H.

A Quick update...

For the simple reason that I haven't blogged in two weeks, I thought I should write about what's been going on. I hope that in the next few days I will no longer be unemployed...I hope. I had an interview last week and I'll find out this week what the verdict is. That has consumed the majority of the last week or so.

I love soccer and I need to find some pickup games this summer. I've been watching the World Cup games this week, current game is Crotia vs. Brazil. I saw the U.S. get beat 3 - nil by the Cezch Republic, horrible game. There is somthing to be said when a team doesn't move to the ball, I've not played in 5 years or better and I know that.

I played bass for the worship team on Sunday and will do that again this Sunday, I've got practice tonight. My parents didn't know that I played the bass. I prefer the guitar, but the bass is good too. It's intereting to see how things have changed over the years, in a greater musically sence I mean. I used to be that you could be good at one instrument and that was good enough. People were in awe at what you could do. But now, especially in the church, one instrument just doen't cut it. You have to be able to play the piano, guitar (electric and accustic), and sing like an american idol. And that's just if you want to keep up with the Jones's. Sorry for the sidebar. I'm playing again on sunday, and except that some of the songs were doing...well...I just don't like how were doing them. Personal opinion, and I've got a lot of them.

I had one crazy-a dream this morning. I say this morning because I distinctly remember waking up before I actually had the dream. I woke up after all of the excitement was over, a trip across town on foot by myself, cutting through a house and being caught by the people that lived there, meeting an old friend I haven't seen in years and just saying hi before hurrying on, suddenly being in a group of people that I knew and was comfortable with but I didn't know any of them, an illegal imagrent bust by the INS, running from the INS and hinding out in the
basment of a building, then end with the discovery that I couldn't call Morty, which I had been trying to do the entire time, because I suddenly found that my phone lost his number. Then I woke up.

I'm employed. A music store, that I have spent many hours at already, has hired me to be...dun dun DA!!!...a music librarian. Yeah I know. It's a good job, it's fairly temporary which is nice, but they will be more than happy to make it more permenant if I don't go to grad. school. They actually created the job for me, which is hugh for self esteem. Not that I need it...really at all.

Creation is coming up in the next two weeks, and the straight down to the Outer Banks for a week. The mountains are great, but they don't have sand dunes or ocean waves that you can ride. I'm still working on summer hikes, but now that I'm employed I'll at least be able to fund them. I'm thinking about whitewater rafting in late summer early fall. If anyone is interested...Morty, Jones, Ankney...give me a call and tell me. I'm serious about this, rafting in West Virginia.

I should be taking the gre in the next couple of months. Applying for grad. school. I'm a little nervous, just a little.

A.T.H.

My greatest mystery...

Caral Sagan had the cosmos and the search for intellegent life.

Da Vinci had the pursut of science, machines, and art.

Isaac Newton had the laws of physics.

Edison had the light bulb.

Socrates had the pursue of knowledge.

The Church has the Trinity.

Paul had his thorn and the revelation of "Christ in you."

My brother has the inability of the human brain to function within 200 yards of a Walmart.

I have...you. You and the way I act. I can't explain it, and it confuses the crap out of me. You intrigue me, you make me think, you make me happy, and you piss me off. I would think about something else if I could, but know my life would be less with out it. You effect me without knowing, without trying. You are my greatest mystery.

What is your mystery? What drives you in the middle of the night?

A.T.H.

Alone on the train...

I went into the city yesterday for the last time, well...at least for a while. I sang in church with a male quartet, got rousing applause for my high A at the end of the song, cleaned up, changed, and hopped the train into the city. I've just started reading Miller's "Searching for God knows what." I'm going to love it as much as I loved "Blue Like Jazz," but I think this one will make me think more. It already has in some ways. We talk about putting God in a box, and how that's bad, but do we ever really think about how we've put God in that box to begin with? I'm still beginning to think about this for myself so I won't attempt to answer that now, but there have been other snippets that have caught me off guard. Here was the first:

"My friend who owns the coffee shops told us, in a tone of kindness and truth, that nobody he knows who is successful gambles; rather, they work hard, they accept the facts of reality, they enjoy life as it is. 'But the facts of reality stink,' I told him. 'Reality is like a fine wine,' he said to me. 'It will not appeal to children.'

The author and I share something in common...actually I think we have lot in common, but that's beside the point. We both hate self-help books. I can't stand them and it really makes me angry to see them in Christian bookstores. First the idea that what will help us as humans is already inside us, when the Bible states that nothing we do with prosper outside of God is just a little confusing to me. Second, they mostly seem to be about making yourself happy, wealthy, or good looking or some other such nonsense. Third, this is where Miller and I really agree, there all very formulaic. Follow steps one, two, and three to achieve true enlightenment and a fuller wallet. I can name two people who've achieved the same goal through the same process. If you can please tell me, I'd love to be enlightened.

Being a lover of a good glass of wine, I'm not a connoisseur by any stretch of the word, I can completely relate to the previous statement. My family goes to the Outer Banks, North Carolina every summer for vacation. If you've not gone, get up and go, it really is the best vacation spot ever. Last summer we took some time and sampled some of the local wines, everyone has a local wine now. Dad picked up one and we opened it for dinner. Now my brother who is trying things for the first time, because he's better than I was, was completely disgusted that we would choose to drink something so foul. Nothing about it appealed to him, a complete waste of taste. Now to be honest it wasn't the best tasting wine in the world and it was defiantly a bit too sweet for my tastes. But that was the difference between us, My parents and I commented on it, said things about it both good and bad, we enjoyed the taste for what it was, we appreciated it. By brother on the other hand couldn't tell you anything about the taste except that he didn't like it. Only someone immature complains about something they don't understand.

The second excerpt was this:
"But I suppose I can't blame him because, in my life, god is always changing the way I think of Him. I am not saying God Himself is changing, or that my theology is open and I blur the lines on truth; I am only saying I think I know who He is, then I figure out I don't know very much at all. For instance, and as I have said, a lot of people believe God responds to formulas, but He doesn't. So that is one example of how our idea of God is always becoming a bit more accurate. And that's one of the things you notice about Jesus in the Gospels, that He is always going around saying, You have heard it said such and such, but I tell you some other thing. If you happened to be a person who thought they knew everything about God, Jesus would have been completely annoying."

Longer I know, and I'm not going to comment on it, except for this. What makes people think they speak for God? What amount of knowledge do you have to gain to come to the conclusion that you know exactly what God would do? How small of a god would you have to serve? Santa Clause is not God, Santa doesn't even exist.

I stopped into a Church yesterday evening, The Journey. They’re a very fascinating church and if I lived in the City it's were I would be spending my time. Their service is very much like chapel at IWU, except with flow and continuity. Four services every Sunday, all filled with people 23-30, probably why I like them so much. The two teaching pastors are amazing and connect with the people in profound ways. Their goal at the end of the service is to move you to action, whatever action that might be. They even put in on the back of the attendance card they give you. "This week I commit to..." There's normally a list of four or five, the first one always being the memory verse for the week. They finished up a series called, T.G.I. Monday with a talk about what it means to be successful. They contrasted the world's ideas of success with God's idea of success, with a big emphasis on serving others. About half way through I was caught by something that I heard in my head. Yes, I'm hearing voices again. No, I don't need medicated. But the quite voice in the back of my mind went, "that's why you liked Wednesdays so much." There were parts of Wednesdays that I could have done without, or would rather have done without. But all in all I love Wednesdays around here, because that was the day we had kids choir. I can't begin to explain, how much I loved working with the kids, teaching them, answering questions (no matter how annoying), kneeling down to help and crack a joke just so they'd smile. I've come to a conclusion. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you serve God.

Sitting alone on the train I couldn't do anything but thank God for the time I've spent here. I've a few more days, and a lot of things to do in those days, but my time here is quickly coming to a close. I couldn't do anything but thank him, for giving me a perspective that allowed me to learn even as I served. Sitting alone on the train I made my promises one more time. Lots of things can happen when you're alone on the train.

I'll drive these roads in thunder and in rain
and I will sing your song at the top of my lungs
and I will praise you Lord in glory and in pain
and I will follow you till this race is run
and I will drive these roads till the motor won't run
and I will sing your song from sea to shining sea
and I will praise you Lord till your kingdom comes
and I will follow where you lead
Till there's no more faith
no more hope
I see your face and Lord I'll know
there's no more faith
there's no more hope
we'll sing your praise and let them grow
where there's only Love.

A.T.H.

That thing you swore you'd never tell anyone about...

Well, I'm still not going to tell you. On the other hand locking yourself out of the house is pretty funny, but not as funny as realizing that you didn't but the spare key back in it case. And neither is as funny as trying to hoist yourself through the window feet first with nothing to grab onto about you so you have to do it one foot at a time while you balancing on the deck railing. All this because you wanted your steak cooked on the grill like it should be. Some people will travel the world to find what they like. I just had to climb through my pantry window.
A.T.H.