Dé Domhnaigh, Lúnasa 07, 2005

Lifting the Veil

Slow, ever so slowly, the confusion is lifting. The past couple days have been...weird, I guess that would be the word for it. Whether it all stems from being tired, I don't know, but I has been almost impossible to gather my thoughts and put together one coherent thought. I've been doing a lot of writing on the side to help. I've written song lyrics, though I haven't looked at them yet and I'm not sure there any good. I've written a letter, or at least part of it. The letter is probably the most confusing of all my rantings and scribblings. Letters have recipients, and I'm not sure who this one is too. It's possible that it's for the person whose name I've placed at the top, but then again it's very possible that the letter is for me and will never be sent. It's something I'll only know when I've finished it, and even then if it's for the person whose name stands at the top of the page it still may not be sent. So...Some of the confusion is lifting, but much of it is still veiling my eyes.
So much of my life right now is like that though. I guess I should be getting used to it by now, but there is just something about it, call it human fear of the unknown, that prohibits me from becoming comfortable with my current situation. Again maybe this is just a divine set up, a movement in providence, an unveiling of sorts to reveal to my sight the kind of awkward, blinded existence that I'm stepping into. I don't want this to sound like I'm surprised, shocked, or even caught off guard by this. I know full well, as I believe any thinking person would, that life is full of surprises, of veiled emotion, and caution movement forward. I still plan, and hopefully even now, to live boldly. To step out when it seems hard, and I guess that this is where my problems lies. In one sense I want to step out, I want to live boldly and say the things I feel I need to say, but in another sense...I've known for a long time, though my friends will attest that I don't always act this way, that prudence is often then best course of action. Sometimes you just need to know when to keep your mouth shut, and live like nothing is bothering you at all.
So what is to be done? I know that this has been rather ambiguous, and I do apologize for that, but I just don't think that laying the full story on the line right now, especially with the way I feel is the best gambit to be played. So...Now what? I think that I'll finish that letter first and see what happens next.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey there! Sometimes it seems like you are down and out because of the way you feel about Erica. Maybe you just never realized that someone who was right in front of you felt that way about you.