Dé Sathairn, Lúnasa 26, 2006

You win some, you lose some...

It's been awhile since I posted anything other than a short update...
It's not for lack of subjects to write about, but then again, in a way, it is.
Working my job I hear a lot of things that spark my interest. Things that when you first hear them they just jarr your sences, and even afterwards they stick with you untill you either get it out, or you hear something else just as jarring. I've got a list of things like that. Other than that there's a lot of day to day things, but I'm not exactly interested in sharing them on the net. I've just been very busy lately, working 40 hours a week, two practices a week, preparing songs for Sunday, playing, not including all of the middle of the week stuff that always happens. But a lot of that...I just don't want to tell you about. Trust me you'll thank me someday.

There has been somthing that's really sticking with me. When my cousin graduated from the tech program that he's been working through my mom came up with the great idea of giveing him a guided day trip to New York City. The guide of course was the only person she knew who was at the time living outside the City...me. I love the City, and am absolutely entralled at the idea...actually I'm happier about the fact that eventually I'm going back to the City, even if for the day. My cousin doesn't get out of the state much, doesn't travel at all. He hasn't seen much of the world and my mom has taken it upon herself to help out. Well, I've been helping the situation. I've bought him a travel book, circled the things that I think that he would enjoy, plus the average tourist things (the good ones) that everyone who goes to the City should check out. He's getting really excited about all this, which just makes me more excited. A couple of weeks ago Mom made a passing comment about me taking my other cousin up to the City. I had been home all of five minutes and not had the best of days, the only thought that popped into my mind was the money I'd have to shell out to do that. Bad I know, but like I said it wasn't a good day and I'd not quite been myself. I instead made mention that I thought the trip was supposed to be just Kyle (his younger brother) and myself, to which my mom responded that we could go up some other time. Again the money thing came up, and being who I am I opened my mouth. Mom ignored the comment, she's really good at that, and said that Shearod is a lonely young man and it would be nice to do this. Withou thinking (like all of my good comments) I blerted out that, "Mom, we're all lonely."

This weekend is going to be a little disapointing. One of my good friends, Liz is going to be coming through the area, but due to some extenuating circumstances I won't get to see her. Very disapointing. I've not seen her in probably four years if not longer. We talk a good bit online and I love that, but it's nice to actually see your friends from time to time. I miss her, and only talking online just isn't the same. I feel that way with all of my friends from school. Talking online is great and I love that I keep in touch with the people, but it's just not the same. It's not the same, and it never will be.

Mom didn't have much to say to my little statment. Honestly I wasn't sure that I'd even said anything. It's not that I don't want to help lonely people out, but there's only so much I can do. I think the thing that bothered my mom though was the fact that I said that we're all lonely. It's true, in one way or another we're all a little lonely. Unless we're married I guess, not that that is the answer to loneliness. But yeah, I'm a little lonely. I don't mind it. I've got a lot of things that keep me busy, contact with a lot of people that I know and like, and frankly when I'm done with my day I don't nessiarily want to hang out with people...but I do anyway. There are a lot of things here, lots of conclusions that I could draw from a small side comment that I made off the top of my head, but I choose not too. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to miss my friends. I do want to get married someday and have kids. Just not today. I can live with being a little lonely.


Amy said...

I still get lonely, Combs, and I'm married.

miss ya!

Anonymous said...

I hate being lonely, but I am. How do you live with it?

Combs said...

Amy, I know that marriage isn't the answer, though I think people tend to believe that it is sometimes. I miss you too. I'm absolutly horrible with keeping up with things since I moved to PA.

I'm not sure how I live with it. There are days when I choose not to be lonely, and it's just that simple. There are days when it's always on my mind. There are times when it makes me feel like one of Pavlov's dogs, I just want to lay down and take it. There's a quote by Goethe that I've been thinking about lately that really fits how I feel on the subject. "So divinely is the world organized that every one of us, in our place and time, is in balance with everything else." God has me in the place where I need to be right now, using me, preparing me. I just eventually have to trust Him when He says that He'll work everything out for good. In the end, it's simple a matter of trust. How do I live with it? I'm not sure, but I do.