Dé Máirt, Eanáir 31, 2006


What does it mean for my faith if a planet is found with life on it. Is my God big enough for two worlds? What if it's true and they've never heard of Christ? Am I suddenly worried over nothing?

A french man commenting on america said that said that the state of the church has changed since the days of Tocqueville. I would imagine that it has, but what does that mean? He said he visited the great churches of america, names like willow creek and saddleback. He called my God, buddy buddy after a fashion. A great friend to the people. This man seemed un effected by this friendly god. Is that who I worship? Do I pray to my friend, and nothing more? Is that who I truly represent? Is this a bad thing, or has something been lost in translation?

Rick Warren, is obviously a Calvinist. Not that I care, but the facts are facts. Is there truly a reason for everything, or is that just more wishful thinking. Doors open and doors close, are they just euphemisms for having to do something we didn’t want to do in the first place. Does it really matter in the long run whether I chose or I was chosen? Will I ever really know? Are there some things in that are just meant to be? Was I really the one who was supposed to sing that song on Sunday, praying through the service that I wouldn’t be me that they would see? Or was it just a fluke, did Tim just get sick at the last minuet?

What is the point of doing something to please someone else it you feel you are just wasting your time? What is the point of talent? Why practice when it’s all just going to come out anyway? What does the effort prove? Why does not practicing the worship music bother me? Is it truly better to just not do something you don’t have your heart in, or should you plug through it just because that’s what everyone else wants? What’s the point if your hearts not in it, especially as the leader.

I don’t want to lose my voice students. I like teaching them, and the income is nice too.

Why is there nothing so infuriating as when a child lies to you, straight faced? What makes them do it? Is it learned, is it taught? Are we truly born so deprived that we lie and think of nothing other than ourselves from day one? Is the wrong inbreed and right a learned response? Must the leash be kept so short, that we can’t be trusted to stay within the boundaries? Why did I get so angry at that?

I’m so tired of wanting to be in love. I don’t want to try. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to be jealous of my friends. I don’t want to listen to another person complain because they’ve not found the one they’re looking for. I don’t want my mom to talk about me being married and having kids. I tired of the world treating love like a game. I’m tired of wanting to be content. I’m tired of what the world has made it out to be. I hate the lizards on our shoulders. I’m tired of worrying about my friends, and I’m tired of not hearing from them.

Why, if everything were pre-ordained, would God allow a child to have leukemia? Why were pain, sickness, and death needed to create a more perfect world? Sometimes I think that if we allowed God one mistake, things could be explain a lot easier.

Faith, Hope, Love…Sometimes I think God asks too much…and every time I do, I’m ashamed to admit it.

Terence said, “Quot Homines Tot Sententiae.” Voltaire said to “judge a man by his question rather than by his answers.” Einstein says, “The important this is not to stop questioning.” Christ said, “Seek and you will find, Ask and it will be given to you, knock and the door will open.”

So I ask.


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