Dé Máirt, Deireadh Fómhair 31, 2006

Not much of anthing...

It's very interesting that I could feel disapointment over not getting somthing, even after I purposefully talked myself out of it. It's just so strange. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I talked myself out of it. It doesn't even matter that I talked myself out of it. I'm free, which is what I wanted...and that disapoints me. It really makes me want to hit somthing. It's just frustraiting. Am I that far gone? Please tell me this is normal.

The hardest thing I have to do in my life is talk to my friends about their relationships, especially when they're not going so well. I want to reach out, to hold them. It kills me on the inside. It's not becuase I'm not in a relationship, that's not the point. I don't like the fact that I don't have anyone in my life like that, but it doesn't bother me that much. I just feel for my friends, I want to do everything that I can for them, and it very feel like I've done enough. There's always somthing more that I could do, somthing else that I could say. It's just that tend to be active, I'm never satified with words. It's part of the reason I want to go into the missionfield. I can't just take a passive approch, I need to go.

I go to talk to Pam today. First time I think since Amy's wedding. It was great to talk to her, just to find out what she's up to and how she's doing. We talked about grad school, and what I should expect. We might meet up in NYC in December, catch the Opera, just have some fun. Actually this week has been a catch up we for me. Yesterday I had an hour long conversation with probably my best friend from High School. I've not talk to him in 6 years or more and then just out of the blue he calls. It was great to just catch up and hear what he's been doing since college. John-Phillipe is a great guy and I always hated that I lost track with him.

this post has been about a lot and really nothing at all. I've got a good story from the weekend, but right now this is what's on my mind.

1 comment:

Moving Forward said...

Combs, I definitely feel like this a lot. I find myself feeling disappointed like that and for the same reasons. I'm also very involved in my friend's lives, sometimes too much, but I'm for sure "active" as you put it. Just know you're not alone on this one.