Dé Céadaoin, Meitheamh 08, 2005

Ok, here's the thing.

Well, It's late...again. Though not as late as before. So I sit here, semi watching t.v., a past-time which to be honest bores me greatly, but every once and a while there's somthing pretty decent on. currently Dances With Wolves is on. I'd write on somthing different but my situation stays the same. Nothing changes not yet anyway. I was going ot go out today, but everyone left before I had a chance to ask for a car, and so I spent the day here at the house. It's fliping hot out side already and I really wasn't prepared to walk anywhere I really wanted to go. I really hope my car is fixed soon. It's kind of hard to look for a job when you have no car, and there is only so much you can do over the phone. I did mow the lawn, or at least the back yard. Dad and I split the responsiblity so it didn't take very long, but it was nice just to do somthing other than read, watch t.v., play video games, or watch movies. I like the time I have to relax, don't get me wrong. I've longed for it for so long, but I'd like to beable to do a few of the things that I like to do as well, or find a job. I'd love the chance to go to Gettysburg and hike the battlefield, or take a trip down to Cuttingham falls and hike there along the stream, or really anything but sit around here. But sit here I do, and I'll be happy for the time of stillness. It's something that I've grown very unaccustomed to being at school. I had to learn what it was in North Dakota last summer, and I have to relearn it now in PA. I think, that God is using these times of uncomfort to teach me lessons that I will need for my future. I say this with only half a heavy heart. I know that in the coming years I will find myself alone a good deal of the time, and while I don't like the prospect of this I don't believe that it is somthing that I'll beable to avoid. Before this sounds like the depressive ramblings of a hopelessly single guy...I'm glad to be single. I need to be free to make the decisions that I need to make in the next few months, and know that what I'm looking to do would not be such an easy thing if I'm "attached." While I don't think that being "attached" would keep me from these things, in fact there isn't much that could, I don't think it's fair to ask anyone to be apart of my no home, moving every so often, never knowing where I might be going, kind of life. Now I could be wrong, and there is someone out there who would want to do this with me, but for now...I'll do it on my own. So...I need somthing to do, but I'm glad I don't at the moment...I'm board, I've got stuff...welcome to my crazy, mixed up, so called life. again for those who know me...no big suprise.

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