Dé Domhnaigh, Meitheamh 05, 2005

So when do I leave

So I'm sitting here...thinking about things...mostly because I've nothing else to do. I don't really like being here in Pennsylvania. I don't entirely know why. For a long time I've felt that I don't belong here, and everytime I come back I get the feeling even stronger than before. It's like I should have found a way not to come back. I never feel effective when I'm here. I don't like to feel this way, I try very hard not to feel this way, but still I do. I want this to be time when I feel safe and comfortable, like a home should. I know part of my problem is that I'm lonely. The majority of the people I knew from here either arn't here anymore or I've lost contact with them for any number of reasons long ago. I've decided that this time what I really need is just somthing to do. I'll be here for at least the summer, and hopfully not much longer. So I just need to find some summer work to get me out of the house for a couple of weeks. I say a couple of weeks because then I start traveling again. I've got several weddings to go to, family vacation, maybe Creation fest for at least a few days, and that could be it. Mostly likely that'll be it. But for now I'm stuck here.
I say stuck here, and mean it in the litteral sense, because as of friday afternoon my car is not drivable. I was in my first accident on friday. I didn't hit anyone, and I'm fine. The it was raining, as it had been most of the day, and if you've never seen hanover on a friday afternoon let me just tell you, I think the entirity of northern Maryland comes up here to do there weekend shoping. It's a mad house anywhere in Hanover, but south Hanover on a friday afternoon make be cringe. So, I'm driving and random person infrount of me decides to slam their breaks on and of course forcing me to as well. My wheels lock up, and in trying to avoid the person in frount of me I jerk the wheel. Of course as I do this my wheels come unlocked, find the only dry spot on the road and jerk me right into the curb. I've got a bent axle for sure, which means my car is in bad need of repair, and I'm am stuck here. The good thing is that everything is taken of and the car will begin to be fixed on monday. I'm not hurt. This is the only accident that I've been in, that I was driving in any case. I've decided that neither I nor my car like being in PA for very long. If you'll remember the last time I was here my car snaped it's timing belt. I can learn to drive and not have a problem in New Zealand, but I get back here and things just go to pot. Oh well.
So yeah, I'm kind of down right now. I'm board, lonely, and in a place I no longer feel like I belong. There's a lot more I could write about, but it's going to have to go into my journal. It's just a bit too personal to put on here. So...if you're the praying kind of person, I think there's enough in here to keep you busy. I just need something really good to happen to me. I'm not the kind of person to live in the past, and my road trip and New Zealand are in the past. I'm hoping that those things will come back around, but for now...I'm here. Not everything can be exciting, somthings have to be mundain. I'm just not used to this type of mundain. School mundain yes...PA mundain, no. Anyway, It's time to go. Bed time has come, and I should try to do that. I think that the jet-lag is just about gone.

1 comment:

Moving Forward said...

I totally know how you feel. When I'm "home" in AZ things should be great because I'm with my family, but I still get lonely. Naperville and even IWU are more homey to me. Anyway, I hope that you find something to do this summer until your next adventure. Talk to you later!