Dé Céadaoin, Feabhra 09, 2005

The Duality of Man

First let me start off by saying...I know I switched spots. I didn't inadvertently but I did it so deal. Oops my bad, anyway.
Stevenson put to paper a story. One with roots in his native Edinburgh. Changing the names and adding elaboration to the pieces of this political folktale, Stevenson tells the story of a man searching to do good in his life. Being a medical doctor, he wants to end suffering, to defeat evil once and for all. He creates an elixir that he is convinced will separate once and for all the evil in man from the good, but in the end he must finally test it on himself. In doing so he releases a being from inside of him that is fully evil. For the rest of the story we are thrust into the struggle between two characters sharing one body yet, so different in the mindset, yet again so intrinsically tied together that separation would result in the death of both. Obviously the story is that of “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” I was thinking about this earlier today, after a discussion with a friend. We we’re talking about how quickly one can change their moods. This set me along this track but my thoughts quickly changed to a question. How much is this story like the Pauline disease of wanting to do what is right yet not being able to? What is it that ties us so tightly to the “old life?” Is it merely habit or is there, like Dr. Jekyll sought to discover, something buried deep in us that if we were to actually dig it out, would simply kill us? But now the pagan, cynic in me crawls out of its whole and asks the question, what is the real façade that we are trying to destroy? What happens if you come to the end of your search and realize that the façade was not the good…but instead the truth is the evil? What if the longing to be known as the Noble Savage is the biggest lie you could tell yourself? This synicism doesn't last long but it's effects are certianly pervasive. I think that like Lewis my greatest fear of late has become not a realization that God doesn't exist, I don't think that is possible, but worst that the Theist are right. That God who can feel ever present in the "good times" can feel so absent in the evil times. Again this stems from my current cynical thoughts, and isn't actually founded in my current situation. I simply find myself asking these questions, and compounded with answers that are often more mysterious than insightful I find myself lost in my own thoughts. I've been doing that a lot lately.
I feel so ever increasingly alone. Transitioning from one life to the next, from college to the "real world." I often wonder what lies ahead. I feel like the charater of Frost standing at the divergence of those two road in that innocent yellow wood. I'm just not sure that I want to take the path less traveled by. For Frost it seemed to make all the difference, to me...I'm afraid of the world I'm about to set into.
So many questions, so few answers. Its no wonder Christ talked of mustard seeds when it came to faith. It may move a mountian, but its just as likly to easy you through one more day of walking in His direction.

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